Best finance jokes


I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.

Take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it doesn’t go up, don’t buy it.

A client asks his adviser, “is all my money really gone?” “No, of course not,” the adviser says. “It’s just with somebody else!”

The best way to get back on your feet is to miss a car payment!

A hedge fund is a compensation scheme masquerading as an asset class.

Fine wine is an illiquid asset.

Technical analysis is the art of drawing a crooked line from an unproved assumption to a foregone conclusion.

A long term investment is a short term investment that failed.

IPO: it’s probably overpriced.

How to make a million in the stock market? Start with two!

It was so cold today I saw a stockbroker with his hands in his own pockets.

Why did God create market analysts? In order to make weather forecasters look good!

Every time one guy sells, another one buys, and they both think they’re smart.

The problem with investment bank balance sheets is that on the left side nothing is right and on the right side nothing is left.

A stockbroker and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The stockbroker said, “I’m here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything.” “That’s quite a coincidence,” said the engineer. “I’m here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything.” The stockbroker looked somewhat confused. “How do you start a flood?” he asked.

Know any good ones? Please share them in the comments.


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